Paging Ray Patterson...

This seems like as good a time as any to explain why my garbage men are pretty much worthless.

A couple weeks ago, I set out my garbage in the appropriate cans (divided between garbage, lawn waste, and recycling), in the appropriate spots in front of my largely appropriate house.

The next morning, I found all but one can of the lawn waste taken. That can had a little orange tag on it, with the exceptionally eloquent inscription "Way To (sic) Heavy."

Now, I will grant you that the can was not light. But I was able to pick this can up and lift it to waist level (the level of the back of the garbage truck) without straining myself. And mind you, I also manage to hold down a job whose description involves more than just: 1) Pick up can. 2) Empty contents into back of truck. 3) Ride on back of truck to next house.

It seems to me that picking up cans full of stuff is pretty much what you expected to do when you took the job, right? And assuming you've completed fifth grade (your note certainly casts some doubt on that) you probably had more than one job option.

Unless these guys are too busy solving murders (a la "Men at Work" ) my advice would be to quit your f'ing bitching and throw out my trash.

Tomorrow morning is trash time again. Further bulletins as events warrant.