Lunchlady Doris, have you got any grease?

Hooray, it's Fat Tuesday.

In New Orleans, that means drinking Hurricanes and watching women take off their shirts.

In Detroit, that means paczki. (Pronounced "POONCH-key.") Basically, they're just like jelly donuts, except they make them with extra lard so they're much worse for you than normal donuts. The average ones weigh in at 425 calories and 25 grams of fat, and they're a big tradition in the Polish community.

It's stuff like this that makes me wonder if all those old Polish jokes (submarine with a screen door, etc.) really aren't true after all. You're not making them taste any better, but you're making them significantly worse for you... just because you can?

You'd be better off with a jelly donut, a can of Crisco and a spoon.

This state is just weird.