Tuesday, August 31, 2004

ESPN confirms my ESP...

Not to beat this into the ground (too late, I know), but remember those awful, retarded trades that the Mets made last month than I basically melted down over?

ESPN.com now says, golly, I was right. Scroll down about a third of the page to find it. Or check the freaking front page of the site.

Not only that, but now longtime beat writer Bob Klapisch is piling on as well.

It's just nice to know, as always, that I am much, much smarter than the imbeciles running my favorite professional sports franchises.

And compared to the Giants, Rangers and Knicks, the Mets are freakin' geniuses.

I guess it could be worse... I could be a Browns fan.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

And so it begins...

I haven't been paying much attention to baseball over the last week or so, but just noticed this story on ESPN.

Did I mention that the guy the Mets got has a bad elbow and is on the DL? Have I mentioned that?

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Make checks payable to John Titor...

I mean... I'd be a sucker NOT to sign up for this little moneymaker.

I mean.. how easy could they make it? Plus, their English is way better than those Nigerians I went into business with last week.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

The D is dumb...

This is "Woodward Dream Cruise" weekend here in Detroit. If you're not from southeast Michigan and/or don't value your car more highly than the lives of individual family members, you probably don't have any idea what that means. But it's a big freakin' deal here.

Basically, tens of thousands of people bring their classic cars to "cruise" up and down Woodward Avenue, from Detroit to Pontiac. This is such an exciting event that about a million people show up just to watch it.

In the end, however, this basically boils down to people bringing their expensive toys (in some cases SHIPPING them from other continents) to come sit in a traffic jam all weekend, while a bunch of slack-jawed yokels pretend they know what a "hemi" is.

This passes for not only entertainment.. but a MAJOR annual event here in Detroit. For people here, it's at least on par with the Rose Bowl parade, or Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade in New York.

I'd love to write more, but I'm going outside right now to re-wax and buff my '97 Ford Contour with a diaper, so it's shining perfectly when I go cruisin' tonight! Or I might just hit myself in the head with a tack hammer until I pass out. Either way.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Ay ziggy zoomba...

Tony must be so proud of what's going on at his alma mater.

Roll along, Mr. and Mrs. BG warrior. Roll along, and fight for 66 grand a year.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

...it just looks like a big Tylenol.

I assume that most people my age or older have been on an airplane before at some point in their lives. But after flying to NYC this weekend, I'm now not so sure.

We flew Spirit, a low-cost carrier who allows you to save five bucks on a ticket by giving you a seat about a foot and a half away from the plane's engine. Good times.

We had tickets for the very back of the plane (row 31 of 32), and consequently were supposed to be some of the first people to board the plane. However, that didn't keep fully 70% of the passengers from racing up to the ticket counter when the airline made an announcment for "passengers with special needs, travelling with small children", etc to come forward. The airline guy let some of them on the plane, then made others wait. They announced that people in rows 25-32 should board next. Again, damn near everyone rushed up to get on the plane. The woman in front of me in line was sitting in row 12. The guy behind me was in row 8. They seemed very agitated that the airline guy wouldn't let them on the plane.

Once we were aboard, ran through the obligatory "this is a seatbelt" speech, and were actually in the air I started feeling better. That's the time that an imbecile about five rows ahead of me decided to stand up and start rummaging through the overhead bins. Mind you, we're still only about a thousand feet off the ground, and not only is the "fasten seatbelt" sign on, the flight attendants are still buckled in. One flight attendant got on the loudspeaker and told the guy to sit down. He turned, gave her a confused look and kept on looking through his bag. She told him to sit down again and he pointed to himself like "are you talking to me?" Meanwhile, I'm starting to take off my seatbelt to go beat the shit out of the guy, convinced that he can't possibly be this stupid, and therefore must be a terrorist. She told him again, and he sat down, leaving the overhead bin open. The flight attendant had to run down the aisle to close it.

How exactly does someone not know that you're not supposed to stand up when the seatbelt sign is on, especially when the plane is just taking off or landing... and ESPECIALLY when the flight is going to or from New York or Washington. This would have to be your first flight (the guy was easily in his 40s), you would have to have completely ignored all the news stories about 9/11, and you would have to not speak English (it was a white guy who sure looked American to me).

Between that, the boarding clusterfuck, and the flight attendants trying to call each other on the in-plane phones and inadvertantly having their conversation go over the loudspeaker, I was pretty much convinced that I was the only person who had ever ridden on an airplane before.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Breaking the silence...

I've been around about as much as (I wish I had an amusing analogy to go here) recently, but I promise that's all going to change.

I've got so much to talk about, from Governor ManGravy to my trip to NYC this weekend and all the imbeciles I shared a plane with. Plus, the implosion of the USA basketball team (the men, not the layup brigade) and why I really don't give a shit about the Olympics.

That, and football season's about to start.

I promise I'll make it up to you. Maybe take you out to dinner and a show.

Just not right now.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

I found this amusing...

buy order online buy