When will I be back in Haiti again?

So you're telling me that taking bets on a contest that's already been taped... is bad idea?

Fucking machine took my quarter!

It's starting to look like Slapshot is as close to real hockey as we're going to get this winter.

Here's the strange thing: I haven't heard one single person talking about it.

This is a strike lockout that could erase an entire season, and possibly kill the sport in several markets, and no one seems to give a shit.

This should serve as something of a wakeup call to the players and owners that maybe... MAYBE they should both stop being such complete bitches and just reach some kind of agreement.

Or they're going to fuck the whole sport up, and I won't get a chance to play fantasy hockey at all this winter.

Put an end to ass piracy...

So I'm sitting in a movie theater over the weekend when one of those "put an end to movie piracy" promos comes on the screen.

In it, a guy who says he's a set painter talks about how people who download movies off the internet are taking food off his table. He says he doesn't think it really affects the actors or the producers, mostly the little guys like him.

Does that strike anyone else as total bullshit?

Unless my conceptions of the Hollywood salary structure are grossly misinformed, low-level guys like set painters, sound techs, and of course best boys are generally paid up front. Their salary is fixed, and doesn't depend really at all on how the movie does.

It's the stars, producers, directors, etc who get the so-called "back end." In addition to being a deliciously homo-erotic term, this also means they get a cut every time someone pays to see/buy/rent said movie.

So other than in some vague "sometime down the road enough people might download movies to put a significant dent in our profits and therefore we have to cut back on set painters and best boys", how does this affect that guy's life in the least?

Not sure what to make of this...

I saw something on some score ticker about the Giants beating the Browns, 27-10.

But that doesn't make any sense. The Giants are terrible, and this is supposed to be the year that the Browns snap their streak of 42 consecutive 5-11 seasons.

How could this be?

There's a G spot... That's a myth.

The Seinfeld reference is a bit of a stretch, but it comes from the Episode where George wants to be called "T-Bone."

You'll understand the bizarre progression of thoughts that lead to the title after you watch this absolutely unbelieveable video. (Link is SFW)

A Cinderella story...

What a magical start to the Ryder Cup. Not one, but TWO American teams lose by five in the opening round of four-ball.

Jim Furyk and David Toms go down 5 and 3, while Chad Campbell and DL3 drop one 5 and 4. Just like that, the Euros are up 3.5 to 0.5.

The afternoon session is about halfway done, and the Euros are leading two matches and tied in another. Fred Funk and DL3 are just imploding (down 4 after 11).

Maybe if this is almost out of reach I can scalp a ticket for Sunday at a reasonable price.

UPDATE: The final tally for Friday; Eurotrash 6.5, USA 1.5

I know I've mentioned this before, but on the heels of the World Cup of Hockey and the Olympic basketball fiasco, these are not exactly the best of times for American men's teams on the world stage.

I've got to plead ignorance on this one...

You mean to tell me that throwing chairs into the stands of a baseball game and hitting two fans is frowned upon?

Really, I had no idea.

What is, "Still a virgin, Alex?"

Turns out the Jeopardy guy lost. Don't worry though; he made a poopload of money, and should be able to buy himself some nice tail.

Anyone want to bet that the Final Jeopardy question that day involved the female reproductive system?

Bow wow wow.

Just found a link to this pic. It came from a Real Estate site in California. Look outside the window.


Here's the source page if you care.

Take that, East St. Louis!

ESPN's first NFL power rankings are out, and while the news isn't great for the Giants, things could be worse.

Yes, mighty Big Blue is ranked as better than a whopping FOUR teams, but the Browns are one of those teams. So it's all good.

Man, those five wins this fall are gonna be suh-weeeeet.

What's in a name?

It's that hallowed time of year again, when a man must look in the mirror and ask himself "what the hell am I going to call my fantasy football team this year?"

In past years I've gone with...

A) Loving tributes to the teams or yore (New Jersey Generals)
B) Semi-obscure bits of pop culture (Prescription Cowbell)
C) Semi-clever sexually-tinted combinations involving locations (Texas Teabags)
and D) Blatantly crude trash talk (IJustHadSexWithYourSisterAndSheWasGreat)


This year, I'm leaning toward another piece of (sadly, relatively obscure) pop culture. "HatBroachPterodactyl"

Does anyone have a better suggestion?

By the way, kudos to me for nailing the Rutgers over MSU pick on Friday. I'm the freakin' man.

U-G-L-Y, You ain't got no alibi...

I'm not sure why I felt like starting this one with a "Wildcats" reference, so don't ask, okay?

This summer has to be a low point for American men's professional sports, doesn't it?

The NBA's brightest stars roll one down their legs in Athens.

The brightest umm... somewhat well-known players of the MLS don't qualify for Athens.

Ditto for Major League Baseball.

Now, the hockey players are sucking ass in the World Championships. A 2-1 loss to Canada in Montreal is kind of understandable, but getting reamed 3-1 by the Russians on home ice? Come on. Yeah, they beat Slovakia, but that team got reamed 5-1 by the Canucks a couple nights earlier.

Unless we can absolutely annihilate the Euros at the Ryder Cup, or somehow trick the other countries into starting a World Cup of American Football before the end of the calender year, this has to go down as one of the worst years in history for American sports on the world stage, right?

By the way, I'm headed to Columbus for the OSU season opener in about 15 minutes, and really don't give a crap about anything else right now.

And don't be surprised if Rutgers pulls off a big upset over Michigan State tomorrow.

That is all.

Anything that takes 12 steps isn't worth doing...

Get it? 12? Steps?

I think I may have a problem. Like a serious "I need professional counseling" problem.

I just spent more than three hours watching a football game between Eastern Michigan and Buffalo. (Official mottos: "Not just MAC football, but bad MAC football) Yes, those Eastern Michigan and Buffalo teams. The ones that rank among the ten worst in the nation.

The game featured six turnovers.. IN THE FIRST FREAKING QUARTER.

EMU won 37-34, in an absolutely phenominally exciting game.

I'm thinking that this is probably an indication that I should check myself into a clinic of some sort.