...recoveration

so much to cover, so little mental capacity to do so. I felt so well rested somehow after 3 hours of sleep last night, but now I'm about to hit a wall. Again.

The weekend rocked. BG looked like crap for about 2 1/2 quarters, then hooks it up like it needs to be done and beats Northwestern for the Motor City Bowl championship. Then, a day and a half, a three hour drive, an unaccounted for amount of liquid barley, and the Browns beat the Bengals. Sure, the Ravens make the playoffs, which was almost a "stop-at-all-costs" evil for me, but once I sat around some of the Bengals "fans" at the game Sunday, I wanted the Browns to win like never before. Lee Suggs ran like a stud. But then again, James Jackson and William Green did that once or twice too. I hope Lee can make it hold up next year, though. And not be a recurring pothead alcoholic. Green's still a stud, but his mental baggage would take a month to get through your standard airport security checkpoint.

So many times nights out that you have had a month to plan and look forward to fall apart. Not Saturday. It was indeed the drinkingest time of the year, the band kicked some pretty solid ass, covering everything from Billy Joel to Poison to Prince (before AND after he was formerly known as Prince), and even kicked in some Duran Duran for good measure. Maybe it was the beer talking, but even the Rage Against the Machine sounded good. Of course, they can't hold up to my rousing rendition of "Ay Ziggy Zoomba" in the hallway at 2:15 am, but not many people can. I think at that point, I stuffed about 4 christmas cookies in my mouth and hit the hot tub. Then a few laps in the pool, then at some point a bus hit me while I slept and even after 2 hours of "prep work", I was still barely mobile. Ah, good times.

so fast forward to today, and I go downtown to the IRS office and have a little chat. they still don't know what I'm talking about, and it looks like getting either the interest removed or the refund for my cancelled check charge isn't going to happen. Once again, I'll be stapling my forms to a concrete block this year, handcuffing it to the mailman when he arrives to pick it up, and still call daily to make sure they've got everything.

but what really struck me as I went to talk to them today is the security. doing the whole metal detector thing on my way into the federal building. It was reassuring, but really kinda freaky. security is so jacked up right now that I don't think anything COULD happen, but I'm sure people have said that before. It was really kinda bizarre.

...Let it snow, let it snow, let it...

...PLEASE NOT SNOW! I have to drive enough as it is without mother nature going all "white christmas" on us.

And, since I'll likely be busy up until gametime Friday, let me just throw this one at ya.

BG 45
Northwestern 20

I'll be there, all decked out, courtesy of teamsantahats.com. Well, not "courtesy of", per se... because I *did* pay for them, but there's no way I would be able to make a brown and orange santa hat myself, right?

...G-rated. For the Masses.

So moms don't like the F-word. Who knew? I wonder what Bob Knight's mom would be thinking right now. Now *that* was an impressive display. What an ass. He could really learn a few things from Joe Namath. At least now no one is talking about Broadway Joe in pantyhose ads anymore. They're talking about drunken, desperate Joe on the sidelines of a Jets game. And PR agents everywhere cringe.

A crazy week gets crazier. My tour of Ohio begins tomorrow morning. Wish me luck, and GO FALCONS!

...out of necessity

I'm dead tired off of a really good weekend, but I don't think there's anyway I can go to bed without commenting on how much the Browns sucked today. I hate Baltimore. I really do. Watching them bitch-slap the Browns for the second time this year (and much harder the second time around, too!) was painful. I should have listened to the local television gods when they didn't air the game locally. But nooooooo... I had to go hunt it down and watch them get pummelled. Mercilessly. I hate Baltimore.

But, as much as I hope Baltimore falls into the Atlantic, and Art Modell suffers a slow, painful, drowning before being eaten by a shark, and then saved right before he died, only to let them call me in to pull the plug on his sorry old ass, if Cleveland beats Cincy next week, the Bengals don't go to the playoffs. A whole generation...errr, a whole half-season of brand new Bengals fans would be heart broken. GO BROWNS!

...nothing to see here...

really. nothing. its bed time.

but I would kill myself if I forgot to put this link somewhere to share with the non-Fark-reading world. Disturbingly funny. Two great tastes that taste great together.

...Love for the pandas

Found a strange, yet really pretty awesome piece of information the other day. If you Google "simpsons panda love", my site is the first in the list. Seriously, try it. Fortunately, I caught that it linked to a page in my blog archive that has since been redirected, but I think I've got that trap fixed.

Another, less awesome piece of information I learned, is that apparently the phrase "heating included" means that cold water is included, the heating of said water is not. "Oops! Its a misleading phrase, sorry. Please remember the account number on your gas check." Bastards. I have no clue where to go now, but I don't think that I should/want to pay the sickeningly (yes, thats a word. I promise. you don't even have to look it up!) large gas bill. Not a fun situation.

And when glass and surface cleaners claim to clean everything "Even Grease!", either they're lying, or that stuff on my stove isn't grease. Scary.

...God has me on a yo-yo

Today has been one of those days where I feel like its "my day", and then other times when I really know its not.

Good day at work, today's my day. Get home and deal with the IRS and landlord, not my day. Find a potentially easier way to deal with the IRS, today's my day. "Leave your name and number at the beep", not my day. Remember that I started thawing some chicken breasts for a good dinner, today's my day. Find out said chicken could still be used for doorstops, not my day. Go to the store and find steaks on sale, today's my day. Forget half of what I went for, not my day. Salvation Army guy getting down with the bell ringing/christmas carol singing, could be my day. Get to my car and its raining harder, not my day. Get all the groceries out of the trunk in one grab under my nice dry carport, today's my day. realize that my back step is a puddle fed by a steady stream right in front of the door, not my day.

So regardless, I'm ready to crash, but I've got steaks frying (yes, FRYING!), and they smell so good. Okay, too much smoke, the smoke alarm getting a workout is a distinct possibility. Maybe its not my day.

...Have a "Kool" Christmas

I got a random Christmas card today from one of my best friends from HS, who, for whatever reason, I've talked to alot less than I figured I would in recent years, but the line in the card said "Have a Kool Christmas", and he taped a packet of Kool-Aid inside the card. Which was damn funny, though the Letterman-esque Top 10 list on the back of the envelope was classic, too. But it got me thinking. Why Kool-Aid? Couldn't a menthol "Kool" cigarette have said the same thing? Or what about a picture of "Kool and the Gang"? Now THAT is a way to celebrate good times... COME ON!

Now that I've filled your minds with the smooth, satisfying sound of '70s funk, I'll continue.

The Browns suck, they had the Broncos by the sack and couldn't finish them off. In the long run, it might not be a bad thing, picking up a better draft pick, but in the meantime, it sucks. They should not only be winning these close ones, but definitely winning the ones where they've blown leads for stupid, stupid reasons! I didn't see Chris Crocker on the field, at least, but I think Michael Lehan took care of that. The rookie LB's are hooking it up, the so called experienced secondary is pissing it away. When does next season start?

Would everyone get off of Joe Horn already? His phone call celebration after his second of FOUR touchdowns last night was classic. Terrell Owens' Sharpie incident was classic. But Joe Horn outdid it. BIG TIME. I can't stand these players that have to jump around and dance 20 yards down field after stopping a guy after a 12 yard run, and some of the touchdown dances have to go. But Sharpies/cellphones/cheerleading is solid. Now all these media and moral types have to come out and take their stand about how wrong it is and blah, blah blah... Deal with it, it was hysterical! And as far as I can remember, Joe Horn is clean. Its not like he was on the phone to his dealer or his parole officer after he scored. Michael Irvin danced like a mother after scores, and he was coked up. Whats wrong with a clean player hookin it up with a little dance?

5 years and a Stanley Cup run later, the Hurricanes *finally* fired Paul Maurice. Hopefully this is the spark they need to turn it all around and get back to the finals.

The Cavs trade Ricky Davis, Chris Mihm and a coupla nobodies for some people I can't think of right now or really remember, but hopefully this is the spark they need to turn it all around and get TO the finals. Or at least the playoffs. Or something like that.

Now they're talking about actually trading A-Rod to Boston for Manny "Set An Alarm" Ramirez and some minor league pitching. These minor league pitchers better be something good, and Manny better leave his "how to fit my head up my ass" manual in Fenway. On the surface, I don't really like the deal, I loved having A-Rod's ability and attitude on the diamond (even if the salary kept decent pitching far, far away from Arlington), but we'll see how it plays out on the field. Manny doesn't have to have an MVP season, but it wouldn't hurt, either.

...out of the woodwork

i'm thinking that the Army just looked at the places where these new found Bengals fans came from and looked for Saddam. If the Bengals make the playoffs, or God forbid the Super Bowl, finding bin Laden should be no problem.

Browns just kicked off. Its not going to be pretty, I have a feeling, but nothing would be more fun than beating up on the Broncos this afternoon. Especially with Randy Cross already drooling over Denver. Color commentators suck.

GO BROWNS! ...stay tuned

...Dear taxpayer....

The proper procedure is to grab your ankles from the outsides-in, feet about shoulder width apart, and please pre-lubricate yourself for rapid processing. Also, please refrain from screaming, moaning, yelling or any otherwise unnecessary noises, or we will be required to assess a penalty, payable with Form 10432238849-X in odd numbered years, form Y in even numbered years, and by trading beads and furs in years ending in "5".

The IRS can bite me. Maybe I'll re-use their envelope just to see how long it takes them to penalize me the $300 for "non-official use".

Word to the wise. Use certified mail to send your taxes in, it will save a whole lot of headaches when the fuckers lose your paperwork.

...It's not the size that matters... its what you can do with it.

And, as far as I can tell, the scientist/mathmetician types that recently found the largest possible prime number really, really, REALLY have too much free time. I mean, I thought I had too much free time because I know Simpsons episodes from a single frame of video, but these guys are smarter than me, they should have something else to do, right? Like how about finding the largest prime number that can stop world hunger. Or the largest multiple of 7 that can stop a nuclear weapon. Or how about the square root of who gives a rats ass? One cool thing is that if you actually look at the number as posted on their website (when its working), and stare at it long enough, you can see the image of Elvis riding a donkey. Math is cool! And now they tell me I could win money by having your computer do their dirty work and find the next biggest prime number. How about installing a program that makes me dinner instead? Yeah, thanks math.

...Tony, get a life!

Is it wrong that I again knew what Simpsons episode was on today before any words were spoken? It almost makes me feel a little down that I struggled with knowing which episode they were showing on the plane back from Vegas. (Which by the way was a hellified trip, and I want to move this bar next door to me.)

Eventually, I'll throw a new look on this page, since BG got drilled by Miami, though they still got a bowl invitiation, and though tickets are a touch pricey, I can't wait to go!!! If they play better than they did Thursday and the Browns play better than they have all season when I see them in Cincy on the 28th, that weekend could be very kick ass!

...A few thoughts for the road....

I just noticed that Pop-Tarts have a diagram on the side of the box. Not only should someone that uses a toaster NOT NEED DIRECTIONS on how to use the toaster, the picture on the box is specific to the brand of Pop-Tart inside. The instructions for strawberry have tan tarts with white frosting, the instructions for chocolate are all brown tarts. If they overlooked that, could I save a little cash on my Pop-Tarts? I'm willing to sacrifice.

My Simpsons knowledge FINALLY did me some good! Granted, its only 10 mystery points from this website right here, but 10 points is 10 points. Actually, I'm not 100% sure its the answer she's looking for, but it damn well better be.

Had a nice conversation with the clerk at Barnes and Noble today about a college football game 2 hours from here. That was surprising. Shocking, really.

And said football game? BG 27, Miami of Ohio 17. Not that any of my predictions have been all that close yet, but one of these days I'll hit it big.

I'm off to Indy, then Vegas. They treat first timers well out there, right? God, I hope so!

GO BG!

..."D" is for diploma

Internet pet peeve #325: There is no "d" in "congratulations"!

Although I'll admit, "mispelling" or "misspelling" gives me fits everytime.. I still don't know which one is right. (The second one, right?) Oh, and try spelling "renaissance" without looking. This is why I use small words.

...now its on!

BG beats UT down. Very nice. 31-23 on a cold, windy, drunken day in Bowling Green, OH. Details of this day will be withheld, pending the resolution of a few legal issues (and family reading this, of course), but damn what a day!

And the weather forecast for next weekend in Vegas is MUCH more favorable now than it was a week ago. 70 and sun. Take your snow and shove it, Ohio!!!

two and a half days of work left and its time for BG to take it to Miami for the MAC title, then off to Sin City for God knows what. If I can be unofficially banned from drinking after a day in BG, I think I might take the Gatorade I.V. to Vegas with me.